Resolving Conflict

Why should we learn about resolving conflict?

Conflict is an inevitable part of life – As long as we are around other people, there will be conflict. You can find conflict in simple areas of life in picking a restaurant, and you can find it in governments and businesses. The question is how will we deal with it.
Unresolved conflict will kill relationships – Whether it’s a friend you casually hang out with or your significant other, the relationship will be dead eventually without handling conflict effectively.
Careers are derailed because of poor relational skills – Microsoft recently let go of a high level leader because he couldn’t get along with the team. Perhaps some of you have not been able to move in your career even though you excel in your role. It’s not always the case, but it could have something to do with how you relate to your team.
Many relationships are too important to throw away – If we avoid conflict or handle it ruthlessly, we’ll find ourselves alone. Still, some relationships can’t be replaced, like between your family, children, or parents.
Some issues are too important to walk away from
Some people are unreasonable – They want everything and won’t quit until they get it. How do I deal with them?

How do I know that I will benefit?

If you became defensive – We’re defensive normally when we are protecting ourselves and acting like we have it all together. I’m bad about this myself (Jeremy Aylett, pastor). Feeling this way is actually a sure sign that we can improve.
If you thought of others who need to learn about this, but you’re not on the list – This is another sign we are blaming others. Let’s not wait around for others to make our families, businesses, and organizations better; let’s be leaders and make it happen today.
If you felt anxiety or regret – Maybe you avoid conflict at all costs or you have deep regrets about how you handled it in the past. Take time to hear from God about strategies we can use to get rid of fear and shame about relating to conflict.
If you’re human – No matter who you are, you can improve in your conflict resolution skills.
What does the Bible say should be our goal in conflict?

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Matthew 5:9 – The passage hear refers most simply to bringing restoration and reconciliation between people.
The goal is for the relationship to be restored or reconciled, not to “win” an argument or spread blame.

Go and straighten things out when there is a wedge between you and someone else. If you wait, the problem can grow out of proportion.

Matthew 7:3-5 – Conflict resolution will go nowhere if we are not willing to admit what we contributed to the problem.
Sometimes, we learn that it was a problem of miscommunication or poor expectations.
Be specific. Don’t refer to generalities, but give a specific instance(s)